What is fear? Fear is when you donot have any idea that what will happen next and if it will, would it do any good?
Fear is, when a strange chill would run through your spine, making the hair of your neck stand up. It is, when you try to scream as loud as possible but couldnot.  Fear is when your heart would keep on throbbing against your already weak rib cage,almost trying to break it up and jump out.
Well, I am feeling this similar ‘fear’ right now. The fear of death, fear of losing consciousness, fear of losing Jay-my husband.
I sighed out loud.
I, Debanjana Ghosh, is the stupidest human being to walk this earth.” I hiss under by breath, barely able to speak to my partner,Jayesh Rathore.
Why are we even here!?  What if they would kill me, what if I would not be able to call my dearly mother after this.  What if…..
“You told me you weren’t claustrophobic,”Jayesh’s calm voice cut me off,as he practically drags me towards the destination.
I start to shake as I move forward, to the cabin at the end of the hallway. My heartbeat, already elevated, starts fluttering dangerously.
How? How is he even thinking to push me towards the death.
“I do have a… phobia.” I admit, choking out the words with an effort. It’s amazing I’ve gotten this far without screaming my head off. Who’s arranged this meeting ? I’m shaking, the kind you get when unstoppable trembling racks your entire body.
“I didn’t realize.” His dry quip barely affects me like it usually does.
“Please lets go home, I will bake some of your favourite chocolate chip cookies, I promise Jay. “- I begged literally.
Jay gave a dry laugh, which is not necessarily needed.
” Oh comeon, Debu, This day had to come anyway, then why not today? You will not die, I assure you. “- He said teasingly, while his eyes were still fixed on the cabin, which looks like devil’s place to me.
” But, what if they would find something complicated and.. and kill me. ”
I say, still not ready to wipe out the fear off my face.
Why, I mean why Jay and I had to meet that day in the college, why even we decided to continue our relationship? Why did my mother gave her approval to our relation and why did we get married? Had I not got married with him today, I wouldnot have been here reciting my prayers for my well being.
But I can’t help it now, Its too late. Now I have to be ready to face this too.
I start taking deep breaths, I have heard from my mother that it would take you out from any problem instantly. Oh god! I just hope.
“Hey nurse! So what are the arrangements? Is everything ready, If yes then we should start,no?”- I heard a voice, that bring me back to reality.
Infront of me was a lady with a white-you know that white which signifies something bad, death probably, well okay scratch it all. The lady in tight white pencil skirt with a shirt that was loosely tugged into it, looks at me all of sudden giving those kind of smile, which a dying and helpless victim of cancer get from people. The smile was tight, clearly sympathetic and ofcourse pathetic. I smiled back, for what is the reason, staying all gloomy all day, right?
Soon I can hear the low beep sound around me and can feel a tranquilizer, they have put into my ‘oh my dear’ blood vein, but now it seems to carry every chemical it could, except my own blood. Slowly and within few seconds I found myself drifting into another sleep, another dreamless sleep, I just pray one last time for my well being before closing my almost closed eyes.
“Debu, Oi Debu wake up you sleepyhead! “-I heard a very excited and very similar voice, coming from the left side of my bed, I suppose. According to me, I was in a hospital, that too inside an Operation Theatre, before closing my eyes, but this voice, this voice was not there, anywhere around me. Then, Where am I now?
I, while flickering my eyes slowly, open them to see Rita-my sister, looking at me with her big round eyes.
I find myself staring back at her those eyes, which are so much full of energy.
“What are you staring at, debu? “- She said while rolling her eyes and grabbed my one hand with her tiny hands. Now you may ask, who is Rita?
Rita is my sweet little sister, who lives with me here in the huge house with my mom and dad, by the shore of a beautiful ocean.
” Where are you taking me Rita Ora? “- I asked her.
” Rita Ora? Please debu, donot use this ‘Ora’ with my name. I have got a very pretty surname, and that is Chatterjee. Do use that.”
I nod and smile, still having no idea regarding my presence in my own house rather than the hospital.
“Now get ready, we have to go to the beach remember? “-She said, still not leaving my hand.
” Okay, but let me change into some suitable clothes. ”
” Nope, You are already ready, look at yourself, your summer dress looks gorgeous”- She smiled ear to ear while looking at me from top to bottom.
“Just take your swim suit with you”
I nod again and quickly grab my suit.
Soon we were at the beach, all ready in our swim suits. I look at the sun and find that it was not shining brightly today,something was missing. The birds were silent too, so was the whole beach. It was like something was there, which shouldnot be. Before I could ask Rita about this strangeness, I heard her laughter somewhere far from me. She has already started swimming, and has gone actually far from my sight.
‘ I will not go’-I thought and sat there on the warm sand by the shore.
“What are you doing there, Come join me debu”
I hear Rita, calling my name. I shook my head in a ‘no’ and gesture her to continue. She was a professional swimmer, no matter how younger she was than me.I, on the other hand was just a beginner. She was 19,while I was 21but she was way more talented than me, Oh how I wish I could be like her.
Suddenly, I heard her pained scream and snapped my head up to look at her.
She was there,amidst the huge tides, calling my name in her troubled voice. How? The weather was fine untill now, it has transformed into a horrondous one.
I have not brought my cell phone along with me, and I knew I would soon going to regret my this decision.
I was getting no idea in my mind, when I again heard her scream.
“Di, Please save me! ”
This is it. Soon enough I, myself was struggling with those tides to save my little sister.
But I was not a swimmer, not even a fair swimmer. I found myself now surrounded by huge tides, like a open mouthed hungry giant to fed upon me.
I saw Rita’s hand close enough to mine, but god was against my will of saving her.All of sudden, a huge wave of salty water embraced me, almost pushing me to the bottom of the ocean. No, this was not happening, I could not leave my sister here dying alone.
I screamed, in a hope that someone would see me or her and come to help.
But no-one came. I found myself now, going deep in the water. My body was numb, so were my senses. Slowly, with Rita’s face spinning all around me, I lose my consciousness.
You know that one person, you have your heart’s strings attached to, when you lose them, you feel betrayed by your destiny and ofcourse, by god.
I was wishing to see my sister back again by my side as nothing has happened, and everything was fine as it was before.
The loud tone of monitors, brought me back to the reality. I was in the hospital again, surrounded by the familiar machines and needles, that were inserted in me. I lookedaround slowly to get a glimpse of her, but instead I found a man with white coat and Jay standing near me, talking something.
“While she was unconscious, she kept on repeating a name ‘Rita’, Who is she? “-The doctor asked my husband, who has all of sudden seemed lifeless.
” She was her younger sister, who died 4 years ago due to a storm that hit the ocean, when she was swimming. And from then onwards, my wife blame herself for her death, because she couldnot save her. My mother-in-law told me about this, when I asked her about the nightmares, Debanjana used to see few months back. “- I heard Jay’s voice narrating everthing he knew to the doctor.
The doctor nodded and kept a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.
” Take care of your wife now, she is weak still. And about the baby, she will be here, after the nurse bring her here. ”
Now, I was getting everything, I was in a hospital not because, I had been saved from drowning, but because it was my delievery time, as I was nine months pregnant. Rita and that incident was the old memory, which came rushing back to my mind, when I lose consciousness.
I looked slowly towards my husband, who was now holding a baby-girl and was smiling at me too. I gestured him to come closer along with our baby. He nodded and kept the baby by my side. I looked at the baby,a girl it was.
Suddenly, something hit me and I smiled and it seemed she smiled back too in her sleep.
“She looks exactly like her Jay, like Rita. Look at her big and round brown eyes, exactly the same as hers. “- I screamed in joy, and Jay squeezed my hand softly.
She has returned, returned to my world again. She has filled the void of my broken heart again.
” Her name will be Rita”- I declared as I caressed her soft and tiny hand. Jay nodded and smiled, it seems she has liked the name too. She was smiling too.